It wouldn’t even pass over my thighs; not without Body Shop Cocoa Body Butter, some shimmying and a near act of God. By the time I actually managed to zip the dress, I was sweating like Kim Kardashian fielding questions about arse implants.
It wasn’t too long ago I acquired a Vivienne Westwood bowling bag – my treasure. I even christened it Viv; and when Viv wasn’t tucked in her cotton monogrammed covering, her handles were wrenched granny-like in the crook of my arm.
Cream is the new camel. This is the mind-blowing fashion edict which has trickled down from the international catwalks. The Pantone Colour Report also touts tobacco, rust, beeswax and honeysuckle as hot hues. Mix them all together and you’ve got yourself a caramel macchiato (without the calories).
Saints. They’re a bit like plumbers; there’s never a good one on call when an emergency strikes.