“Stoop, then scoop!” My sister leaned forward and made digging motions at her bra as if working at some sort of boob gelateria. She seemed keen to impart what appeared to be common knowledge – just not so common with me. “And you wonder why yours are so flat,” she said, raising her scooping hands despairingly in the air. It’s true though. I always did wonder why, with the same bra size, her assets always look perkier than mine. It just never occurred to me that scooping could play a factor.
Maybe that’s because, at age 12, I harassed my mother for a training bra when my new recruits hadn’t even turned up to camp yet. So, the whole how to put on a bra tutorial was effectively a moot point. I’d clasp it at the front, reef it around my back, strap it over my shoulders and go about my merry size AA way. I knew the basic mechanics of loosening when too tight and tightening when too loose but invariably I’d always be left with the battle scars of restricted blood supply or the tell-tale marks of muffin back or boob overspill. What’s more, I didn’t have a rasher about how adjusting one’s breast tissue can create twin peaks as opposed to my obvious troughs. Who knew? Slightly more enlightened, I’m here to share with you some uplifting advice:
Clasping: As elementary as it may sound, there’s a knack to getting your girls into place. Whether you’re dexterous enough to adjust from the back or, a bit like me, need to clasp from the front, use the middle set first and, as the band gets looser with wear, adjust to the inside clasp.
Strapping: Ensure the straps fit properly over your shoulders. Too tight? Is it digging into your skin? Any unsightly back fat or armpit overspill? Look in the mirror: does the back band sit higher than the cups? Time to lower those straps so that they sit evenly.
Stooping: Stand up and lean forward. Jiggle your bra to make sure your breasts are sitting in your cups with the nipple centred forward.
Scooping: Taking two fingers, scoop from the side under the armpit up towards the centre. This will eliminate any rouge skin bulges along the way.
Smoothing: Finally, run the index finger along the inside front edges of your bra cup to smooth out any lumps.
Think of it like putting the kids to bed each night: cover them up, adjust and tuck ’em in.
This is an extract from The Happy Closet. Want some more?