So, the full extent of the excrement in which we are wading has been officially unveiled. Merry Christmas y’all! Despite being Dickensed to the max, I’m eschewing the expected bah-humbug Michael Noonin witch hunt in favour of some positive vibes starting with my wallet. Sweet buttering baby Jesus – the state of it! According to the over-touted Laws of Attraction, I should be acting as the person I wish to be in order to cleave its requisite luck. The subtext implied in this manky Cath Kidson anti-theft device doesn’t augur well. Exhibit A: Hole in the left-hand corner. This would appear to be where all my money is going. Exhibit B: Naff retro floral motif. Indicates a recidivist propensity; prone to nostalgia and owner of a `70s-inspired bank balance. Exhibit C: (and possibly the most damaging evidence) Couponing! Granted this €20 off when you spend over €100 at Superquinn was to offset Bacardi money for my annual vat of Egg Nog but still, a woman of independent means would have her own rum cellar surely? Right, I’m off to town to purchase a suitable wallet for my would-be life as a modern day Katharine Hepburn. If Spencer Tracy pops by, tell him to pour himself a drink; the rum is in the cellar.