How do you feel when you open your closet? More to the point, how does your closet feel? Buried beneath those forgettable fads, questionable trends and ‘oh dear, what was I thinking’ is a pile of useless emotional baggage. Bet you didn’t see it. Well, guess what? You’re not alone. Your closet is more than just a collection of clothes. It’s a deeply vulnerable space containing layers of old energy which, when coupled with an evolutionary gathering instinct, can create chaos. And let’s face it: a chaotic closet is not a happy closet.
Feeling a bit exposed? Of course. Closets are the seat of our deepest, darkest shopping secrets. By opening the doors you are effectively revealing your biggest weaknesses and your self-esteem at a given moment. Is everything folded, orderly, neat? Hidden in boxes with the tags still intact? Balled in a corner, mismanaged, badly in need of repair? Or are you operating more of a floordrobe style operation – bags of swag strewn carelessly in a Lyndsay Lohan-meets-Tracey Emin homage?
Below you’ll find a brief summary of the nine closet types from my book The Happy Closet, each with their own traits to help you identify the common tics feeding your inner pack rat. It’s only by identifying these hang-ups that we can successfully modify the pesky practices that have your closet in a pickle.
- IMPULSE BUYER is an image-conscious and socially-driven creature for whom capsule dressing is a futuristic styling tablet; not a way of life. Shopping is hedonistic, spontaneous; never planned and subject to frequent bouts of buyer’s remorse.
- SECRET SHOPPER is fashion’s MI6 agent. Purchases are made with separate credit cards; online parcels are sent to a P.O. box and all newly acquired swag is stashed so carefully it risks never being found – not even by her.
- DOOMSDAY PREPPER is the original stockpiler. Operating on a well-honed survivalist instinct, she believes in being prepared for all wardrobe emergencies. Large stocked walk-in closets are her signature; so is the odd clothing avalanche.
- TIRED AND EMOTIONAL is the proud owner of a love-worn wardrobe. A closet nostalgic, she holds onto clothes well past their sell-by-date in the hopes that she can somehow make them work. She never does…
- BLACK WIDOW’S wardrobe bears all the hallmarks of the Twilight costume department. She even needs a flashlight to get dressed. The idea of testing a bright colour or print scares her half to death. That’s why she’s fashion’s undead.
- SPLIT PERSONALITY is the ultimate fashion player: afraid to commit to one particular style in case she misses out. Determined to keep her options open, her closets multiply according to her many moods, resulting in ever-decreasing space and a chaotic personal style.
- MARTYR MOM will pay top shekels to dress her progeny but will remain threadbare to the bitter end. She’d be stealing food from her children’s mouths after all and what kind of mother does that? Self-denial, after all, is its own reward.
- SALE SNIPER is one highly trained marksman. Skilled in the art of retail warfare, she uses field reconnaissance and combat force (elbows do nicely) to target any and every available discount. The thrill of the till means her real needs miss the mark.
- PERFECT 9 is a rare breed. Self-aware and always prepared, she’s got her habits under stellar control. Her wardrobe is so organised, it makes IKEA look slapdash. Ironically, it’s that little slap of dash that could make her a 10.
Want to discover
- How to determine your closet type on the closet spectrum?
- The full breakdown of your closet type including its habits and hang-ups?